I used to wish everything about me was different. I used to wish my stomach was flatter, my hair was straighter, and my laugh was cuter. I used to look in the mirror and hate the other me looking back.
Hatred for my physical self evolved.
Now I wished my feelings weren’t so strong, my grief wasn’t so heavy, and my happiness wasn’t so fleeting. I used to look at other people and wonder what it was like in their heads. Did they feel too much too?
Disgust with my emotional self escalated.
Now I suppressed my spiritual gifts because they were “too powerful”, “too spooky”, and “too evil”.
And whether I saw myself in water reflections or translucent portals, I hated the other me looking back.
For years I thought if I could just blend in, not only would other people like me but I might like myself too.
But that couldn’t be the furthest thing from the truth. The more I fragmented myself and tried to hide everything that made me me, the more I despised the disfigured reflection.
It wasn’t an overnight epiphany, but a slow-burning realization that I was my own worst enemy. I wasn’t something horrendous that should be hiding in closets or under beds.
I was made of stardust.
A beautiful blend of void and dazzling lights with magick literally in my bones. And that every ounce of my physical makeup was purely cosmic, and to hate the shell that the real me lives inside is to create a hostile house for all of the potential within me waiting to be unleashed.
I learned to decorate my house with art and symbols of adoration until it truly felt like home. And all the emotions that made me feel like I was constantly drowning, I began to pour out on the world around me. Because other people could relate. They had been swept away by high tides of pain and suffering too. But they also could be at peace when I shared the calm healing waters of joy and wisdom that bubbled up inside me like a guizer unable to be contained.
I learned to make my home a beach where I could live forever. Where my spirit was free to live in sync with the moon and roll with the changing tides. Where I can see the stars at night that wink at me when I’m on the right path. Where the crashing waves bring balance to my mind. Where the ocean whispers to me, “Unburden yourself, babe.”
Your physical self is beautiful. Your emotional self is beautiful. Your spiritual self is beautiful.